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I am a politically-progressive, ethically-herbivorous anthropoid pursuing a paleontology education in the Los Angeles Basin. I am largely nocturnal, have rarely been photographed, and cannot thrive in captivity.

09 March 2013

Cannibal For A Month

In honor of Alex Jamieson's recent conversion, I have decided to listen to my body, too. Starting tomorrow, I will be cannibal for a month.

I mean, I appreciate the compassionate motives of all those wonderful people in the world who just can't bring themselves to eat other people. But I can't live a lie anymore. I've craved this for years.

And really, I'm surrounded every day free-range people who have led good lives. It's not like it'll be hard to find affordable, decent cannibal food. Heck, it's free! I won't even have to invest in any weapons, since as a geology student I'm already equipped with a collection of hammers, picks, knives and other implements that could help me quickly dispense my prey.

And for them, it's only one bad day at the end, right?

I've heard we taste like pork. I wonder if that's true. Cuz let me tell you, I've really been craving bacon lately.

9 comments:

  1. Well this is a logical progression. You will get the ultimate complete protein that your genes crave!

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  2. Spot on! I love satire too!

    Vegan Feminist Agitator did a bang-up job on this very subject as well:
    http://veganfeministagitator.blogspot.com/2013/03/im-not-not-murdering-anymore.html

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  3. DON'T EAT ME! I TOO YOUNG TOO GET EATEN! All though I'll taste like Tofu, just DON'T EAT ME! :P

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  4. I scrolled down to the comments for that article; now my head hurts from the stupid :(

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  5. Kudos on a fabulous piece. This is, in fact, the best response I have read to the Jamieson nonsense thus far. Clever, amusing, highly entertaining, & fully appreciated.
    Also, those who consume human flesh often refer to the prepared dishes as "Long pig", as we are different from pigs by merely one single chromosome. I once went sailing with friends many years ago when another boat nearby caught fire & burned the passengers to death. The smell was revolting, and 100% identical to every pig barbecue my olfactory senses have ever had the misfortune to bear witness. All beings on Earth are indeed related and interconnected in so many ways!

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  6. The best of both worlds--Hufu

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hufu

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  7. LOL You may be onto something. Great post.

    "One bad day at the end," right? Perhaps you and Kavorkian's could...cavort. That'd be killing two birds with one stone. (I know, bad pun.)

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